Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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