Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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