Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
