So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was born a porn star she said
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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