NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
