I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
