She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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