MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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