Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
