new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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