Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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