I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
