I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
