so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
false alarm, still single
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
