She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
