I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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