Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
