your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
