so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize