You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
