If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
