What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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