yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
