I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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