Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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