he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
