You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
