the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
