I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize