OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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