me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
