I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
