4 words: hood of his car
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
