i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
