Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
