I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
