ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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