there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
