Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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