I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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