You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Randomize
