my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize