i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
