It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
