Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize