I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
