K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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