my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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