You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
