24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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