Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
