OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
