There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
