i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize