i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
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