sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Houston, we have a blender
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
