He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
