I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
