The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize