Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
