apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
