Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
